The Last Kiss (Chapter 7)

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Last Kiss (Chapter 6).<—– CLiCK THiS TO READ CHAPTER 6

It’s just past ten o’clock and I was sitting on my bed, trying to work through a book of Soduko that Arielle had bought me last week. I already finished several books of them. She makes me fill in the boxes with right numbers and then get the book when finished. I didn’t really know what’s her deal with them. I just do as she said. I tried taking a snooze right after a bath but the chilly water of the shower had really boosted me up. I was hoping the Soduko problems would help me do the trick.
My eyes darted from the book to the picture frame above my night drawer. The one with Lance and me sitting on a bench, his hand covered mine that was rested on my lap. His mouth twitched into a very sincere smile. I marvelled the words on the frame– Happy Forever– that didn’t make sense anymore. Maybe to the photo it still did, because they remain the same forever although the people in it do change. The picture frame just stood there, oblivious to what was really happening. Oblivious to what had happened to the two persons in the photograph.
I sighed.
I laid down the Soduko book on the pillow and grabbed frame out of the drawer. I bought it near to my face. I studied the photo. Then suddenly I felt I’m missing him. I know I’d feel it the moment I stare into his eyes, his smile. I missed those times when it’s just us. When our laughter rings so loud into the air. I missed those times when he hold my hands, and planted a kiss on them. I missed him it’s like physical ache. I wanted not to cry but my eyes just did. Tears ran down to my cheeks every time I think of him.
I brought the picture frame to my chest, to where my heart was wildly beating. I just can’t help myself from wishing that he’d come back to me someday. But I knew he wouldn’t. I just can’t accept it. I just can’t stomach the thought of it. I don’t want to believe he wouldn’t. But I knew I have to. It’s the end now. We must say goodbye. I must say goodbye, ‘cause he already did.
I opened the back of the frame and got the picture out of it. I put it back on my night drawer, empty. I crumpled the photo hard until my knuckled turned white. And then I threw it to the bin beside the drawer.
I won’t hold on anymore. I’m letting go.
Then I smiled.
I turned the lights out and lied on my bed. I brought the covers up to my chin and snuggled up to sleep.
That’s when my phone rang. I picked it up without checking the caller ID and brought it to my ear. My first thought was that it’s Arielle, calling again to ask if we have had homework. She usually doesn’t pay attention to stuffs like that. Mind bugging, she said one time.
“Hello? Arielle?”
“No.” said the male voice on the other end. “It’s me.”
Like a reflex, I clicked my phone off. I didn’t want to talk to him although part of me wanted to. I am afraid to hear his excuses and I’d believe in them. I took a deep breath and waited for the phone to ring again. I just knew it would. And it did. Only I’m more prepared. I picked it up and waited for him to speak. Silence hung in the air. There’s just no way I’m speaking to him first.
I heard him on the other line released a sigh.
“Nothing,” he whispered.
“Why d’you call, then?”
“I miss you.”
I jarred my mouth as I was taking in what he’d just said. Hoping the words will filter down from my brain. But I had no idea what to say. Or if he’s even serious.
“I’m hanging up,” I said, but hoping he’d stop me.
“I’m outside.”
“What?” I frowned.
“I’m outside your house.”
I got up and went towards the window. I slid it up to check. And there on the alley, standing by the light post was Lance. He waved at me.
“Can you get out?” he pleaded through the phone.
I hung up before I got the chance to say yes.
I swiped my hair out of my eyes and chewed at my lip. I had no idea what to do. Am I supposed to talk to him and just forget that he’d hurt me? Should I slip him away? Should I let go, just like what I’d said? Am I strong enough to endure the pain of letting him go?
I looked at myself in the mirror and decided to go out to him. I slowly cracked open my door and slowly took the steps down, careful not to make a little noise. I sighed in relief when I was finally out.
The cool September breeze met me and I sniffed its watery smell. I looked to where Lance stood a moment ago, by the light post, but he’s gone. I was suddenly feeling disappointed, but still I continued walking to the alley, hoping he’d appear again.
For that moment I was wondering if it was all just my imaginations. But I talked to him. And then I saw him with his back turned onto me. He’s walking, heading away. I ran towards him, the tiny rocks were slicing my feet. Only then that I realized I forgot to wear slippers. I stopped few meters away from him.
“Lance,” I called, breathing hard.
He stopped, and then turned to me. He stared at me longingly, intensely, making me believe he loves me again. I walked over to him and hugged him. I sniffed his citrusy scent.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“I’m sorry, too.” I whispered, wondering why I said that.
I closed my eyes and pressed him into me. I felt his fingers touched my back, and then he pressed against me to return the hug. For just a moment, I was happy again. I was healing.
“I love you,” I whispered into his ear. I was crying.
“Thank you,” he whispered back.
He pulled me away to look into my face. My eyes reflected with his, both were shedding tears. He smiled at me and I can’t help but stare at his mouth. Those lips. And I want more than anything just to bite them, to lick them, or touched them with my fingers. I missed him. I still love him.
He closed his eyes as he pressed his lips fully against mine. I didn’t know if I should kiss him back, but my mouth just did. I breathe in his scent, hoping it will linger on my dress so I can savor it later on.
When we broke, my eyes remain on his mouth, almost afraid that if I look up into his eyes, I’ll wake out from this most blissful sleep. He touched my cheeks with the nubs of his fingers and brought my lips up for another kiss.
He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and held me to his chest. I listened to the rhythm of his heart beating. I couldn’t think of any words to say. I only wanted to cry. I’m afraid.
“Let go of me now,” I listened to his words as they vibrated on his chest.
I closed my eyes, swallowed hard, and said, “I can’t. I love you so”
“You have to,” he pulled me away. We locked our gaze.
“It isn’t easy. I love you so much, babe. Please.”
“But I don’t love you anymore,” he said, looking down to my bare feet that were covered with mud. I felt my already broken heart fell onto the ground and shattered into a million pieces. “We’re over.”
“Why did you still come here if you’d only say that?”
“I wanted to tell you I’m so sorry. I know you’re hurt and it was my entire fault. I’m stupid to think that I love you. I was just kinda confused.”
“Maybe you really do love me.” I said, hoping.
“No.” he shook his head. “I know I don’t. I finally figured out what I wanted. I finally found the real happiness.”
“And it’s not in me, eh?”
He swallowed, and I watched the movement of his throat. He nodded.
“I know that I did some things that I shouldn’t do. But believe me, I’m regretting all of them.”
“Like what? Like making me believe you love me? Why did you do that?”
“At first, I really thought I do.” His gaze fell onto the ground.
“And now you’ve woken up?” I felt my voice cracking up.
He took my hand and brought it to his face. “Slap me. I deserve it. Hit me.”
“Why would I do that?” I took away my hand. “Would it lessen the pain I felt? Would it make my heart whole again? No.” I shook my head. “It won’t. You’d already broke my heart. ”
“What should I do, or say, to make the pain go away?”
“Nothing,” I faked a smile. “There’s nothing you could do or say. Just leave. Just go away.”
He took my hand again and put a picture on it. The same one on my picture frame. I didn’t know he also printed one.
“I’m sorry.” He said again.
“Take this,” I gave him back the picture. “If I keep it, it’s like I’m still keeping you in here,” I tapped my chest. “Maybe you could crumple and threw it. Just like what I did.”
“We can never be happy together, forever.”
I shrugged.
“Bye.” He said.
“Goodbye,” I replied. “There’s still one thing. Please, don’t come back and torture me with your words again.”
He looked at me, his eyes seemed saying sorry.
He turned his back on me and then started walking away. I wanted to run after him.
“Hey!” I called. “Thanks for breaking my heart.”
I wipe my tears with my fingers. My heart sank as I watched him walking away without looking back. He really would be happy now.
Then it rained. The tiny droplets of the rain sent chills throughout my body. My dress was wet it made me shiver.
I decided to go back inside, but when I tried to move my legs, it won’t obey. It seemed held by the ground.
“Lance!” I shouted, but it came out as a squeak.
I sat up with a gasp. I turned the lights on and it flickered three times before it steadied. I blinked my eyes and looked around me. I was still in my room. I was dry. My dress was dry.
“A beautiful nightmare,” I muttered to myself and sighed.
I felt a chill passed over my shoulders, almost as if the temperature of the room had suddenly dropped. I wrapped my arms around me. I wanted to cry. And so I did. I cried silently.
I wiped my eyes and stared outside the window, into the inky black sky dotted with tiny dabs of light. As much as I hated to admit it, I knew exactly that it isn’t easy letting go. To let go of him. I just wished it were all a big dream. But the pain was just so real. It’s very painful.
I lied back. I drag the covers up over my chin, wondering if I could ever get back to sleep now. I glanced over at the clock. It’s a little after three.
I looked into the empty picture frame on my night drawer. Happy Forever. Just like it, I must be empty again. I have to let go of the memories I was still keeping. Then I would be happy again.
“We can never be happy together, forever.” He said in my dream.
I closed my eyes, and a tear escaped from my close lids.



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