Was it Just the Beer?

Thursday, July 22, 2010

By: Jayson Patalinghug
email: king_sky92@yahoo.com
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One afternoon, I was surfing the net. I was browsing my face book account and checking on my emails simultaneously when I saw photos of my friends. They were happy, having party and enjoying sweet moments with other people so dear to their hearts. I don’t understand but my own heart was aching, the seed of loneliness had grown within and slowly consumed the essence of my humanity. Was I envy to them because they were happy and I was not? Because they got a chance to smile under the sun wrapped in the arms of the one they love, while I suffer from loneliness and continue living in the world of make believe?

I knew that I needed to understand the fact that this world is never been fair. I need to understand that some were destined to be happy and prosperous while others were destined to live a life of misery. But at the back of my mind, I also knew that everything is just a matter of choice. A matter of how we respond to things around us. There were a lot of things in my mind at that time that I couldn’t think straight. I was lying down on my bed for awhile when my phone rang.

“Hey what’s up? What are you going to do tonight?” it was Jake on the other line and it was a miracle that he called and ask me of my own agenda.

“Hmmm..nothing just hanging out in my room” I replied in a low tone.

“Are you not going to attend the party at kris’ house tonight and have some time to unwind?” Jake asked. It was not usual for him to call me on my phone and ask me to go out. I must admit that I have a huge crush on him but I do not want him to know so I replied “Hmm.. I think I am not going, I will just be bored in that party” Jake never argued further and bid good bye over the phone.

Later that night, I was so bored that I could die out of the silence in my room. So I decided to take a bath and went to the party.
Jed?

There were people everywhere. The din of people talking, hooting, singing, and yelling, all while downing beer after beer after beer in red cups. The music pulsed throughout the entire house, some rap song with a guy that had an annoying voice. The whole floor was a mess with food and other junk all over it. Across the room I could spot a guy and a girl hooking up in plain sight. And I? I was sitting, alone, on this couch having downed my seventh beer. I don't even know why I came here, to this party filled with people I hardly ever hang out with, in the house of some guy I've never even talked to (never mind that he was one of those popular guys on the floor), in the middle of nowhere, downtown. And I had trapped myself, because I knew that I was too drunk to drive. Hell, driving over here while sober had been a nightmare of its own. But I guess I just didn't want to be alone on this night. The irony.

"Jed." I turned to face the person who had just sat down next to me and was pleasantly surprised to see a familiar face. "You don't look too great," Jake stated. “I thought you won’t come” he added.

“I know that I don’t look great tonight and I do not know why I am here” I muttered quietly, taking a sip of beer.

Jake grabbed my hand. "Come on," he said, and without resistance from me he pulled me up and led me over to the bathroom. The two of us went in and he shut the door behind him. Now that we had our privacy he continued. "So, are you going to tell me what's up?"
“Its Miguel, he always changed my schedule without consulting me, now I’m in a mess and I hate working in a call center already” I explained with a sigh. The bathroom was actually kind of nicely-made. While the floor could have used a bit of scrubbing, the room was warmly-lit by candles, with an ornate marble sink and white tiles on the walls.
Jake frowned. “That can’t be all of it.”

I sighed again and looked at Jake. While we haven’t talked too much on the floor, I considered him to be a good friend, and he was one of the few people who knew of my sexuality. After a pause, I finally decided that I could confide in him. "I can't get over Lucia," I said.

"I'm sorry, man." Jake pulled me into a hug, pressing me tightly against him. I rested my head against his shoulders. The alcohol was making me feel a little bit groggy, and I felt safe and comfortable in his arms. "You two went out for 3 months already," he continued, "but we're still young. That's plenty of time to move on and find someone else."
“Thanks” I replied. “But I think I really am in love with her. I mean right now the feelings have died down, but I still think about her, and there are just some days when the feeling comes back and I can’t take it.”

"Just give it time," Jake said gently. "And try to focus on other things. Try to focus on other people." He pulled his head back so that he could look at me. Our eyes met, and suddenly, I became aware of a multitude of sensations. The warmth of Jake's body as our arms were still wrapped around each other. The smell of his clothes. How close his face was to mine. My heart began to beat faster. I felt nervous, butterflies fluttering wildly in my stomach. There was a feeling deep inside me that pierced the alcoholic buzz and made me feel awake yet dreamy at the same time. And while I was making all of these observations, the two of us were silent, just gazing into each other's eyes. He had the same eye color as mine, but his were brighter and full of life and compassion.

“I am drunk,” I suddenly blurted out.

“Me too,” chuckled Jake. “But Jed, listen. I just want you to know that I’m just here for you, okay?” he smiled, and it sent a jolt through my spine.

“Really? I never thought you considered me as your close friend,” I said with a grin, moving my face closer to his. He did the same, and before long our lips met. Currents swept through my entire body as I tasted him. I drank it all in, his touch, his smell, his taste, his looks. Even amidst the background thump of the blasting rap music I could forget that I was in some popular guy's house in the middle of nowhere. All that mattered now was that I was with Jake. I was in a world of absolute bliss and serenity.

Then there was a knock on the door, pulling both of us out of our spell. "Hurry up! I gotta piss!" someone yelled from the other side of the door. Jake wiped his mouth and answered, "Just use the bathroom upstairs, I'm gonna be in here for a while!" The guy outside groaned and we could hear his loud footsteps as he left. "Phew," Jake said, and then turned back to me. He began to look uncomfortable. "S-Sorry about that," he stammered.

"Uh... It's okay" Suddenly the moment was becoming very awkward. We became silent, but it wasn't the same, romantic silence that we had experience just seconds before. That spark that had caused me to press my mouth against Jake's was gone. The magic in that brief moment had disappeared without a trace. Hastily I pulled out my phone and checked the time. "Damn, it's getting late, I should probably go home."

"Oh, uh, okay. Are you sure you're going to be alright?"

I nodded and opened the door, making sure no one was watching before striding out with Jake behind me. He followed me out the front door and I looked back at him. He looked down and his lips were pursed as if he was looking for something to say. He finally settled with a "See you later," and I returned the farewell and got in my car.

I could not forget that night and I couldn’t believe what happened. Was he fantasizing me secretly or it was just because of the beer we drank?

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